...for the next 4-6 weeks.
Today will be my latest appointment with the surgeon who operated on my eye. This will be the third followup visit with him after my second surgery.
What happened on the third visit after my first surgery was his discovery of the two new holes in my retina - which would lead to my second surgery - and my reaction to said discovery, which was a vasovagal reaction - aka. "vagal episode" - which is a type of fainting. I believe I fainted because I really had my heart set on returning to my normal lifestyle, which is going to work at the office on weekdays, lunch from the food trucks, occasionally riding my bicycle to commute to work, going out to concerts, etc.
Having a vagal episode is not fun - it includes painful tightness in the chest/difficulty breathing, and dizziness. Thus, I am trying to prevent myself from having one today, in the case of an undesirable doctor's diagnosis (more damage to the retina, inoperable cancerous tumor on or in the eye, some creature eating my eye from inside out, whatever). So the approach I am taking is to make plans what I will do for the next 4-6 weeks for each possible scenario I can think of. Maybe I won't be able to totally prevent myself from fainting again in the doctor's office but I think it will be therapeutic to organize my thoughts here. The last time I fainted I wasn't even thinking of alternatives to the one scenario that I had deeply desired at that time.
Worst case scenario - I'm going to die because of cancer in the eye or whatever:
Start selling off/donating my possessions. Put up house for sale.
Decide on who will inherit my retirement account money and other funds. Start working on paperwork to get it done. Get a lawyer if/when needed.
Call up friends and relatives to reconnect at least one more time.
Make arrangements for disposing of my body. I'm thinking of being buried in a sack so my body can fertilize a tree or other plant.
While waiting for the end, play my guitar and record as much music as possible, even if it's crap, as long as I still have the necessary tools and am physically capable.
More likely bad scenario - I need another surgery ASAP:
Suspend practice of Elements on the day of surgery. The first week after surgery is the strictest as far as having to maintain face down position and is probably the most critical week of the healing process.
Make arrangements for the ride to/and from surgery, because I'll probably go under general anesthesia again.
Take it easy the rest of the day, on the day of the surgery, as before. This part of the recovery process sucks the most because the patch is on the eye and there's soreness and itching that can't be treated until after the followup visit on the day after the surgery to remove the patch. Thankfully, it's only overnight.
Resume practice of Elements after the second followup visit with the doctor.
Starting from the day the eyepatch is removed, start playing guitar full time again. This time there's no particular deadline to learn a particular tune. I had Valentine's Day as a deadline because I wanted to put up a recording of myself playing "My Funny Valentine". I wasn't able to play it as cleanly as I wanted to, so I did an experimental rendition instead.
Aside from the brief bout of wrist/thumb soreness, which has been gone for at least two weeks now, I enjoyed playing guitar full time . This time around I'll enjoy it even more because of lack of deadline and no set expectations or goals, other than to continue learning and practicing chord-melody song arrangements out of the Galbraith book and the 335 Christmas course.
If I lose my job due to taking yet another month's worth of sick leave, wait until I'm healthy again, then sell/donate/dispose of the majority of my possessions, including the house. I'll probably keep:
Car
Bike rack
One bike (got two now, don't need both)
Parker guitar
Viola (electric violin is great, but could be replaced w/ cheaper one)
iPhone
iPad
I'll probably move closer to the city where a certain friend lives so I can keep working with her on her music. I might find a place in the area, or just live like a vagabond, getting a tent or something.
Good scenario - Retina found to be in good condition so no further surgery needed
After a few minutes of jumping and hollering for joy in the doctor's office, ask him to fill out the "fit to return to work" form that my employer's HR folks will want.
Send him the form upon return home.
Celebrate tonight with takeout dinner and up to 3 glasses of wine.
Resume the old lifestyle as soon as the doctor says I can.
Oh, here's the track I ended up posting online for Valentine's Day - the Soundcloud description has info on the process used to make the track:
https://soundcloud.com/governorsilver/my-funny-valentine-concr-te
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